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This year marks a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly benign quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {